parenting suspicion is dreadful for children soul

On Suspicion

by Aigul Aubanova on January 6, 2011

in By S.Soloveychik

Suspicion is especially dreadful for our children’s souls.

I promised not to teach and not to appeal for anything, but this is a case where I am ready to shout: Don’t dare!

Don’t dare to suspect your child of bad deeds!  Don’t, even if you have grounds for suspicion.

An active first grade student took cookies from the school’s buffet – not one, not two, but the whole tray.  He took it and went out the room.  Of course, he was caught and brought to the principal for judgment and punishment.  But his young teacher ran into the office saying,

Michael didn’t take them!”  She shouted, “You don’t know!  Michael is not a thief!  The cookies fell, and he put them back on the tray… Is it good to eat from the floor?”

When the case was published in the local newspaper a few indignant letters arrived: What a teacher she was?  She indulged the little thief!  What kind of a man will he be?

From one point of view the boy was spoiled this day.

From another point of view the boy was rescued by his kind teacher.

What do you think, reader?

To my point of view the suspicion of a bad deed, in an evil intention, in stealing, in betrayal is more fearful than the bad action itself, stealing or betrayal.  How many souls were broken after suspicion has been once fallen onto them!  How many quarrels and fights happen in families where parents continually suspect their daughters of whatever evils, just because they return home half an hour later!

Children, sons and daughters, must return home on time, or parents fear for them.  But we shouldn’t suspect.  We don’t have the right to suspect them in doing evil things.  Even in the jurisdiction that deals with criminals there is the presumption of innocence: the accused is not guilty until his guilt is proven.  But for us, parents, who deal with boys and girls, not deep-rooted recidivists, but really innocent children, the presumption of children’s innocence is absent.  Children are always suspects.

Parenting For Everyone, by S.Soloveychik, Book 1 Part 3 Chapter 8

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