Being a Good Parent During Your Child’s Adolescent Period (Part 2)
A child’s adolescent period is a transition from their dependence to independence from parents. As any transition it is zigzagging. Sometimes it is smooth; sometimes it is rough. If parents keep in mind that this period is also temporary, they would worry less and be more focused on the long term goal: to keep their children bonded to them by their souls. For this purpose they need to remember, that:
1. A good parent is happy.
2. A good parent is patient.
3. A good parent is fair.
2. A parent must be patient. The adolescent period of children’s life is a test for their parent’s patience, a test for parent’s love. “”A home must be a little burrow for a child, and a den for a teen. Whenever our kid comes home let’s meet him with joy. From much educational experience, I don’t know a more effective lesson than the joy of family when the child comes home” (S.Soloveychik in Parenting For Everyone). The mother-child bond in the future will depend on which face mother will meet her teenager with, when he comes home late: vicious (“Where have you been, bastard!”) or loving (“I worried about you, baby!”)?
It is very easy to spoil the relationship with a teen due to petty purposes. For example, a teenager didn’t develop the habit to do chores when younger. Now the parent forces the teen to do chores because the parent has the fear that the teen won’t be a good housekeeper. Forced chores may make the house cleaner now, but for the rest of the teen’s life the the teen will hate it. Besides, chores are a thankless job. Today you clean it, tomorrow – it is dirty again. There is no nobleness in chores, and yet, a teenager dreams to save the world! If only the parent is patient and believes in the child, the time will come and the teenager becomes a decent person and will do chores routinely, just like the parent.
Also, patience is needed to watch while children make their mistakes. Patient parents are those who look at the present time with the eyes to the future. They know that the children’s mistakes are not worthy to worry too much about now. If not learned now, the mistakes may be much worse in the future, when the child becomes an adult.
to be continued…