Parenting advice to a mother of 8 year old, who is always busy
Q1. Describe your child.
A. My daughter is 8 yrs old going to nine in February. He is a very busy girl. She is always doing something and she does not know how to be quiet for a minute. She wants to have something to do all the time and gets bored very easily. At school she is quite good and she competes in swimming and earns medals. She does not have any brothers and sisters but she has loads of activities in her life. I love her with all my heart but she sometimes irritates me a lot.
Q2. Describe the situation, where you need advice.
A. She always wants to be the centre of attraction and she hates staying quiet.
Q3. What is your parental goal?
A. Make her listen more and obey us more. She is always ignoring me.
Q4. How much time during a day do you communicate with your child?
A.From the afternoon onwards, till 9pm.
Q5. How good is your child? On a scale of 1-10, 10 is very good.
A.Good heart but sometimes rude, 5.
Q6. How honest is your child?
Q7. How kind are you to your child?
Q8. How fair are you to your child?
Children do irritate us parents sometimes. But we need to remember that irritation is the first sign of vanishing love. (If you look inside yourself at the time of being irritated you find no love in your heart, because when you are irritated you hate your child. Think about that.) However, we all learn to love.
What helps, is to think about the child: is she guilty? Is this – her genuine intention to make your life worse? Is your daughter guilty that she doesn’t have siblings to play with? Does her energetic nature have an evil intention to make you miserable?
According to the little information you provided we see that your child is a very good and healthy girly in terms of her busy life (and you did a good job raising her as such!) She is at the age when everything interests her and her imagination. Use her imagination to positive activities, which would satisfy you both: invent quiet games, play intellectual games (crosswords etc), invite neighbor kids over to play, etc. A lot for you to think of if you want your child to grow with her urgent NEEDS met. Otherwise it is unfair to your child.
Now, think: if you are not 100% “kind” to your child, why can’t you expect your daughter to be “rude” back to you? Who is in charge of your relationship with your child? Usually it is the adult who is in charge. You need to learn about children needs (for heart and intelligence security and development, which is a huge topic, explained in S.Soloveychik’s book Parenting For Everyone. )
There is another thing though: you can just shut the girl’s mouth and threaten her by punishing etc, etc. But in the long run you might not wish these methods to be used. Your daughter may lose her interest in life, which is the best natural gift. As a parent you can use her creatively to form her spirit, instead of killing it.
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