Zone of PFE book

1112. Parenting without lofty words is deceptive

Zone of PFE book

Nobody is surprised when legal documents start with definitions. If we want to set clear responsibilities between parties of the contract we need to use concepts with clear meaning. Same with parenting. If we want to understand clearly our roles and relations in the business of raising children we need to use clear words. What […]

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1111. Stages of self-liberation on the road from birth to birth

Zone of PFE book

There are many different stages of human development. In his book Parenting For Everyone Simon Soloveychik offers his unique view on this process. He calls it self-liberation, which each person goes through from birth to death. At birth people are liberated for life. Then, stage after stage people are liberating themselves from dependencies of life, […]

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1110. Internal freedom: A child is developing by self-liberation

Zone of PFE book

One of the greatest myths of freedom is belief that freedom granted externally leads to internal freedom. “Freedom that leads to responsibility is not given or granted; it is obtained by internal efforts. A child develops not by freedom itself, as some people think, but by the child’s own actions to obtain freedom, by the […]

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119. Internal freedom: first step is to understand independence

Zone of PFE book

First, let’s clarify the idea of two images in parents’ minds. The majority of parents have an image of a Child when they raise a child, and they have an image of a Man who their child should grow up to be. The Child is supposed to be dependent, one who is to be taught […]

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118. The image of Ideal Child stops being ideal, in terms of being "perfect"

Zone of PFE book

Parents are used to underestimating the importance of the fact that there are two images in their mind when they grow up children. All troubles stem from ignoring this fact. It is because when children are small parents think for them and tell them what to do. When children become adults and live in society, […]

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117. The image of Ideal Child lives in our minds

Zone of PFE book

Before we say or do anything we have a thought in our mind first, or an image. While we plan to raise a child we have an image of a child in our mind, an image of the Ideal Child. It shows us what our real child is supposed to look like. Soloveychik founds the […]

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116. Why do we have children?

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It’s important to ask this question time to time while we think of how we are going to raise our children. For joy! Or disappointment? “What do we need to do so that children bring us joy now, in five years, and in twenty five years from now, joy, not disappointment?” Soloveychik prepares readers to […]

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115. The detny man condition: when children are interesting

Zone of PFE book

The word detny is coming from the Russian root word deti (children). It was used to differentiate people with children from people without children mainly for tax benefits. But in this book the author describes that special emotional state of having children when people become responsible for the way they live, think and behave. For […]

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114. Children make life complicated; however, they help us manage ourselves

Zone of PFE book

Children make life complicated, they challenge us, they test us. It isn’t just that an another human being is added to the family with all the physical demands for space, food, clothes, and toys. It’s because of demands for love and justice in our home – that is why life becomes complicated. People, who think […]

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*113. Upbringing must be unnoticeable

Zone of PFE book

Parenting For Everyone doesn’t tell parents how to discipline a difficult toddler, or to talk to a rebellious teenager so that the teenager obeys. It doesn’t give instructions or ready recipes on how to deal with troubled children. Instead it draws parents’ attention to ordinary children, to the way they grow, so that they don’t […]

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