By A.Aubanova, January 2007
What is your parenting goal?
Usually parents think they know the answer. The question sounds so obvious, so simple. What do you want to get while raising your child? Nevertheless, many don’t know the right answer. The analysis of 13661 respondents (www.43things.com/tag/parenting) to the question “What do I want – in parenting?” showed that 46% of people think that their parenting goal is to have children and a family; 30% of the respondents want to be a good parent; 7% have other reasons for parenting (like adoption etc.); 3% have a concrete image of how they will play with their children; and only 1% want to raise their children to become good people!
The details of the report are presented below. We took out of consideration 12% of irrelevant answers. The results are actually telling us that the first thing, which comes to people’s minds when they are asked about parenting is the fact of having children and being a good parent. If this is the case than there is no wonder why there are lots of parental helplessness come later on, after the kids are born, and why there are so many problems and mistakes in parenting. Everyone agrees that parenting is a hard task. But not everyone realizes that the task is hard because there is no clear goal in the whole parenting process.
Not one businessman would begin a business without having a clear goal and a business plan to accomplish that goal. However, a 16 year parenting project is not considered as serious as a business. Well, when a business fails, no one would have the crazy idea to blame the business, or a product for being so bad. Failures in business are the responsibility of the business owner. Failures in parenting is NOT considered as the complete responsibility of parents. Do you know why?
The goal – to have a baby, to have a family – is not a parenting goal. Compare with business: just to have a business license doesn’t make you a successful businessman. In business it is easy to learn – the goal is to make a profit. What makes parent a successful parent? The second group of people answered – to be a good parent – is their parenting goal. Well, what does it mean to be a good parent? It seems as parents are occupied with the idea to be good to children, do everything for their sake. However, again, compare parenting with a business project. What does it mean to be a good business man – to be good for employees, to be good to shareholders, to be good to a product? In parenting there are three variables: parents, children and their relationship. The goal -to be a good parent – focuses only on one side of the equation, on parents, leaving the other two important variables out. Therefore we have so many helpless parents trying to find balance between their love and discipline, not knowing what to do with their uncontrolled children.
So, what is the parenting goal? Many books list a long number of qualities, which parents want their children to acquire during childhood. But there are few common qualities, which most parents agree with. Parents want to raise happy and smart children, who will become confident and responsible adults. If this is the case, then do we know how to fulfill this parenting goal? If you know anyone who could answer this question in one paragraph, you have been misled dramatically. The book Parenting For Everyone by S.Soloveychik has more than 250 letter size pages and this is still not enough to grasp the concept. However, it becomes much clearer to parents – in terms of what they should consider in parenting and how they could reach those parenting goals.
This is a sorted list of answers for the question “What do I want (parenting)” from the internet source www.43things.com/tag/parenting | Percentage | Total number of people in category | Number of people answered | Code of category | Category name |
5. start a blog 436 people | 12.25% | 1674 | 436 | 0 | not related |
17. make art 295 people | 295 | 0 | |||
19. Write for a living 248 people | 248 | 0 | |||
21. adopt a dog 233 people | 233 | 0 | |||
24. get my ged fast 203 people | 203 | 0 | |||
36. learn xml 71 people | 71 | 0 | |||
37. business 66 people | 66 | 0 | |||
40. write an article 54 people | 54 | 0 | |||
49. have a horse 29 people | 29 | 0 | |||
50. start an orphanage 27 people | 27 | 0 | |||
72. Travel to every State in the USA 5 people | 5 | 0 | |||
74. make homebirths legal in Nebraska (and elsewhere) 4 people | 4 | 0 | |||
88. astro projection 2 people | 2 | 0 | |||
98. HELP MOMS WITH THEIR STRESS PARENTING HEALTHY ENVIROMENTEL HOME 1 person | 1 | 0 | |||
1. Have a baby 2431 people | 45.63% | 6234 | 2431 | 1 | HAVE children and family |
2. Have Kids 1255 people | 1255 | 1 | |||
4. have a family 515 people | 515 | 1 | |||
9. meet my soulmate 380 people | 380 | 1 | |||
10. get pregnant 359 people | 359 | 1 | |||
12. have another baby 322 people | 322 | 1 | |||
16. start a family 299 people | 299 | 1 | |||
22. adopt 208 people | 208 | 1 | |||
28. have twins 125 people | 125 | 1 | |||
31. become a foster parent 88 people | 88 | 1 | |||
33. Be a stay at home mom 87 people | 87 | 1 | |||
35. have a kid 76 people | 76 | 1 | |||
43. have more kids 43 people | 43 | 1 | |||
55. be a daddy 12 people | 12 | 1 | |||
56. become a mommy 12 people | 12 | 1 | |||
60. baby proof my house 8 people | 8 | 1 | |||
64. Have at least six kids 6 people | 6 | 1 | |||
70. enjoy my kids more 5 people | 5 | 1 | |||
91. decide if I want another baby 2 people | 2 | 1 | |||
97. have my own family, but not just yet 1 person | 1 | 1 | |||
3. be successful 1032 people | 30.43% | 4157 | 1032 | 2 | Be a GOOD parent |
6. be a good mother 435 people | 435 | 2 | |||
8. be a good father 393 people | 393 | 2 | |||
11. be a good mom 342 people | 342 | 2 | |||
13. be a better mom 320 people | 320 | 2 | |||
14. be a better mother 302 people | 302 | 2 | |||
20. be a great mom 237 people | 237 | 2 | |||
23. be a mom 204 people | 204 | 2 | |||
26. be a better parent 173 people | 173 | 2 | |||
27. be a better father 135 people | 135 | 2 | |||
29. Be a great dad 119 people | 119 | 2 | |||
30. Be the best mom I can be 103 people | 103 | 2 | |||
32. be a great father 88 people | 88 | 2 | |||
34. be a good parent 80 people | 80 | 2 | |||
39. Be a better Dad 55 people | 55 | 2 | |||
41. Become a mom 50 people | 50 | 2 | |||
51. Be a great dad to my kids 25 people | 25 | 2 | |||
53. Be a more patient mother 24 people | 24 | 2 | |||
58. be a good auntie 9 people | 9 | 2 | |||
68. be a better parent most of the time 6 people | 6 | 2 | |||
71. I want to be a better mother 5 people | 5 | 2 | |||
75. be a good example to my kids 4 people | 4 | 2 | |||
77. BE THE BEST MOTHER I CAN 3 people | 3 | 2 | |||
81. stay home with my daughter 3 people | 3 | 2 | |||
83. show my daughter that I love her every day 2 people | 2 | 2 | |||
84. go to a parenting course 2 people | 2 | 2 | |||
85. my kids to know how much I love and appreciate them. 2 people | 2 | 2 | |||
87. LizzyleeBorden wants to become a better mother. 2 people | 2 | 2 | |||
89. always be best buddys with my daughter 2 people | 2 | 2 | |||
7. clean my house 398 people | 6.95% | 950 | 398 | 3 | OTHER motivations associated with parenting |
15. stop drinking 300 people | 300 | 3 | |||
25. find my biological parents 195 people | 195 | 3 | |||
38. cook at home more often 57 people | 57 | 3 | |||
18. Read Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince 274 people | 2.89% | 395 | 274 | 4 | CONCRETE activities/ subcategory of Be a GOOD parent |
42. teach my baby sign language 45 people | 45 | 4 | |||
46. see Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire 40 people | 40 | 4 | |||
57. teach my son to ride a bike 10 people | 10 | 4 | |||
62. spend time with my son 7 people | 7 | 4 | |||
69. read to my kids every night 6 people | 6 | 4 | |||
76. Play with my kids everyday 3 people | 3 | 4 | |||
78. teach my son to drive 3 people | 3 | 4 | |||
82. teach my kid to read 2 people | 2 | 4 | |||
86. read with my kid more 2 people | 2 | 4 | |||
90. speak only Spanish to my kids 2 people | 2 | 4 | |||
99. teach my baby dog tricks 1 person | 1 | 4 | |||
44. Raise kids that are smarter and nicer than me 42 people | 1.38% | 189 | 42 | 5 | Thinking of children’s FUTURE |
45. inspire my kids 41 people | 41 | 5 | |||
47. raise my daughter to believe in herself 39 people | 39 | 5 | |||
54. raise my son to be a wonderful man 15 people | 15 | 5 | |||
59. Raise my son to be a healthy, happy, and successful adult 9 people | 9 | 5 | |||
61. Raise our daughters to be women of virtue 7 people | 7 | 5 | |||
63. Encourage My Kids More 7 people | 7 | 5 | |||
65. Watch my daughter grow. 6 people | 6 | 5 | |||
66. raise my kids to be awesome people 6 people | 6 | 5 | |||
67. see my son grow up 6 people | 6 | 5 | |||
73. Raise our sons to be men of valor 4 people | 4 | 5 | |||
92. raise my kid well 2 people | 2 | 5 | |||
93. raise my son to believe in himself and his ability to help make the world a better place 2 people | 2 | 5 | |||
94. Raise my sons to be better men than me 2 people | 2 | 5 | |||
96. raise a world changer 1 person | 1 | 5 | |||
48. potty train my son 30 people | 0.45% | 62 | 30 | 6 | SHORT-term tasks |
52. breastfeed for 1 yr 24 people | 24 | 6 | |||
79. breastfeed my daughter until she wants to stop 3 people | 3 | 6 | |||
80. Wean my toddler from her pacifier 3 people | 3 | 6 | |||
95. get the baby to sleep in the crib 1 person | 1 | 6 | |||
100. brush my baby’s teeth morning and night 1 person | 1 | 6 | |||
100.00% | 13661 | 13661 | Total number of people |