Time to time I receive messages from mothers about their crying toddlers. In the beginning I was patient enough to explain the depth of the issue and possible solutions to their problem. Now my reaction is “Here we go again!” I wonder, don’t these mothers read my responses or articles? How many times should I remind them about the same old wisdom? But then I ask myself, “What would I do if I were in their shoes?”
As a matter of fact I was in their shoes. I admit I felt the same way. Now it will not bring any value to this article if I start recalling mistakes and lessons from my own experience. It would be much better if I refocus my thoughts toward the solution. So, what would I do now, having all my wisdom, if my child was crying – all day every day, without seemingly good reasons?
First of all – I would remind myself that my stressed out reaction has nothing to do with my child. You may disagree with this, but it’s your choice. Stay with me and read further or disagree and keep thinking that there are ways to fix your child and avoid breaking his spirit. In other words, you don’t want to make your child become fearful, just like you learned from your own childhood.
Why am I saying this? It’s because mothers are fearful at this moment. They stress out not because their child is crying but because they feel helpless, clueless, and powerless to change anything. I will get right to the point. So, what would I think? My stress has nothing to do with my child. Stress is simply my fear. Fear of what? Fear that I am not good enough as a mother. When my child cries I think that everyone hears and judges me. So, when I can’t shut his or her mouth I feel helpless, powerless, and worthless. It’s a terrible feeling. Help!
I must stop and take a deep breath. Right now, I admit I can’t do anything. I will do what I “know,” which means in most cases I yell at him or even hit him. Or, if I have patience, I will let my child cry, or even better, I will try to console him. That’s it. It’s too late to address my own fear in the middle of this crisis.
However, when I am taking a break, or find a peaceful place where I can be alone (it can be my own bathroom!) I make the decision to solve this problem for the rest of my life. I know that if I don’t do this work I will have to deal with this fear again and again and again. It may not be the cry of a child but it still will be a cry, a cry of my soul, sooner or later. So, I would rather stop it now, with the deliberate thinking, learned from the teachings of Abraham Hicks.
What is it, deliberate thinking? It is thinking with the goal of feeling better after the process. When I have strong negative emotions I know how hard it is to think anything positive. However, by reading a stream of selected suggestions (The FeelGoood suggestions, formerly Feel Good Now app) I gradually refocus my thoughts. After many times of doing so I am training my brain to think differently. Eventually the process will shorten to autopilot and will take little time. But for now I have to read the Feel Good suggestions slow, and think, and feel.
So, I find time, take a deep breath, and start thinking of my child and my fear to be a loser mom. I will lift up my vibes by reading the Feel Good stream of suggestions based on the teachings of Abraham Hicks. It will take some time, especially if I want the job to be done right. After I am sure I have lifted my vibes and feel much better I will approach my child. What will I say? What will I do? I don’t know now. But I will definitely know after I do this Feel Good work.
Instead of looking around for someone’s help I would rather get help from within myself. I want to feel knowledgeable and powerful in my parenting. I want to be a really good mother. I believe that my child senses me and my love, which brings the most power to our relationship. I will appreciate myself for this work and I know my child will appreciate it too.
By Aigul Aubanova
Click here for a customized FeelGoood stream of suggestions to read-think-feel for parents, when they experience a stress and helplessness facing a crying child.
Try it, it’s FREE!
For other topics of Feel Good Now applications check Facebook.com/FeelGoodApp