The secret of good parents is that they believe that people are good. When they talk or think of other people they look for good rather than for bad. It is not that they just don’t blame others for anything, they actually find something to admire in others, including their spouses, children, neighbours, relatives etc. That is what children sense and pick up from such parents. Those children grow to be caring and fair to other people, including their own siblings and parents. Children of good parents become a joy for their parents.
Many parents crave for the same result in parenting but they don’t know this secret. Instead, they focus on the child, exclusively. What is wrong with my child? Why is my child mean to her brother, and other children in school? Why is my child rude to me, ignoring my requests, talking back? There must be a “fix” to this problem, help!
Those parents have good intentions, too. But they notice their children mostly when the children get in trouble. Unfortunately, parents pay attention not to children, but to the problem, which children cause. Sadly, parents look for answers in the wrong place; they react to the children’s behavior by complaining about children. Usually, for them, children are heartless, dishonest, rude, careless, mean, hurtful, bossy, threatening, hitting, lying, disrespectful, sneaky, selfish, stubborn, unpleasant, shameless, indifferent, etc.). It’s all about the child not being ok in their parents’ mind.
Looking in the wrong place, parents are driven by fear of children’s problems, fear of children. It is because they don’t believe that people are good, in general, and they also don’t believe that their children are good. Simon Soloveychik in Parenting For Everyone wrote, “We don’t believe in children not because they are bad, but they become bad because we don’t believe in them.” Thus, the problem of children’s behavior becomes a problem of parental faith.