children fight - for dignity quest

Dignity Quest

by Aigul Aubanova on January 27, 2011

in It's All About Dignity

What is the noise out there? Your three year old fights with your five year old? What are they fighting about? Are they fighting over a toy? No, they fight over who is more important, more significant, who is worthier and by how much. They struggle to prove that their value is higher or, at least, equal to the other’s value, not the least. Therefore they cry. “The biggest offense is not that I am not getting the toy, but that you don’t give it to me because you assume that you deserve it and I don’t! It is unfair.” That is why children cry. That is why children are stubborn. “I want this done my way because I want you to admit that I am worthy and you have to take this fact into account.” This is your kids’ quest for their dignity. Adults too constantly look at each other dignities: who is who? Every human relationship is a quest for dignity.

Usually, people learn about their dignity in childhood. When people become adults they don’t ponder upon their dignity. They know it as a matter of fact. So they devote their adulthood to other things. Knowing about dignity makes a person be less vulnerable to other opinions, assessments, criticism, etc. Simultaneously this knowledge makes the person responsible because he keeps his life up to the standards, which his sense of dignity dictates to him. Therefore morally healthy adults have a healthy sense of dignity.

Unfortunately, when people don’t learn about their dignity or they learn about it in the wrong way they devote the rest of their life to the learning process about their dignity. In every action of those people there is a question: Am I worthy? Am I deserving? Not knowing about dignity in childhood has a heavy consequence for the rest of one’s life. People who didn’t find the answer for their question in their childhood continue searching for the truth about themselves in their adulthood. Therefore they remain immature and self-centered. The life for such people becomes an endless quest for the truth about their dignities.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Pat January 16, 2012 at 9:40 pm

If people learned dignity in childhood, there would not be the numbers of persons disrespected so that the discrimination of race, gender, or sexual orientation is a problem in society. People do not automatically learn dignity. They must be taught, and better late than never for most social problems result from the ability of persons to treat others inhumanely because they are deemed to have less dignity than others. What we value, we do not treat poorly. Learning what to value about another human being logically follows. Without this, life is but a jungle.


UpParent January 17, 2012 at 8:37 am

Pat, I like your comment. You must have put a lot of thought.


Penny May 18, 2012 at 7:44 am

I learned how to treat my children with dignity from their Sunday school teacher. No they expect it and treat others the same way and tolerate disrespect, while recognizing it as such.

So they treat me with love and kindness because I hope I gave them the same.

We try and succeed most of the time, when we fail we need forgiveness that has to be taught too.


UpParent May 18, 2012 at 9:03 am

Thank you, Penny, for your wise words. There is hope that even if we didn’t learn some wisdom from childhood, we still can learn about it from other teachers.


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