In contrast to bad parents who build their relationship with children on confrontation, good parents build it on cooperation. The best way of communicating with children is not in demands or orders or how you give them to children. It is in making requests. What do good parents know about requests?
Ask your children, not demand
If there is a single thing parents should learn in order to improve their parenting, it would be the ability to make a request, to ask children, not demand from them. Please do me a favor…, Would you please…, May I … – common polite phrases are only a part of requests. The intonation is the key. You can make a request with an asking intonation. You can also make a request with a demanding intonation, “Please, do your chores! I said please!” Do not confuse requests with polite demands.
Know what is happening when you make a request
When requested kindly, a child feels an increased sense of worthiness. In other words, you increase your child’s dignity. Therefore, your child feels good. Your child learns goodness. When you meet rude and disrespectful teenagers, it is probably because these teenagers didn’t know goodness in their childhood.
Practice requests consistently
When consistently practised requests become a habit for your child too. When you ask your child to do something for you, you give him a choice: to respond yes, or to respond no; to accept or to deny. This is not just a game. It is work of your child’s soul: he has to choose – to please you, or to hurt you. Your child takes responsibility for his choice. Such training for the soul, if it is done consistently, forms a sense of internal freedom, a sense of independence in the child. He feels that he, himself, rules his life. Thus, he learns to live freely.